For the last eight months, I’ve been working for a small machinist company.  I’m one of two women.  There are ten men, including the manager.  I like my job and get along well with the men.  My problem is the porn posters on the walls of the shop.  Most are of women in tiny bikinis, but a few are topless photos.  The other woman says she isn’t bothered by them, but I am.  I don’t want to cause problems or lose my job, but I also don’t want to have to look at those posters.  The guys will all know it’s me who’s complaining, and I don’t want to make them mad at me.  What do I do?

The Shy One

Dear Shy One,

I don’t think you have to be shy to feel offended about having porn posters at your place of employment.  Frankly, in this day and age, I can’t believe the manager or owner of your business is foolish (or ignorant) enough to allow pornographic posters on the wall a business.  Aside from setting an unprofessional tone, he’s opening himself up to a sexual harassment lawsuit.

When I say, sexual harassment lawsuit, I’m NOT suggesting you sue.  I believe these kinds of lawsuits are a last resort.  First, you need to try to resolve the problem with your co-workers and manager.

Before you talk to them, think through what you want to say, and how you will deliver your message.  Don’t be strident, whiny, or shaming.  Men are visual creatures, and they like to look at beautiful women.  Don’t make them wrong for being male.  This is not the time to give a lecture on objectifying women.

Pick a time when most of them are together, such as a lunch or a break.  I suggest you something like this, “Gentlemen, I know how you all enjoy looking at beautiful scantily-clad women, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  This is a place of business, though, and I’m uncomfortable with having these posters on the walls.  I’d appreciate if whomever put them up would take them down.”

Ignore the jokes or negative comments they may direct toward you.  Just calmly keep repeating the above phrase. 

Afterward write down the time and date, what you said, how you said it, and how the men responded, including jokes or put downs.  You might need this to prove to the manager how you attempted to handle the situation. 

Give the men two weeks to take down the posters.  After two weeks, schedule a meeting with the manager and tell him how you feel.  Again remain calm, rather than accusatory.  Hopefully, he will understand and remove the posters. 

If he baulks, remind him that the posters are creating a hostile work environment for you, and could be construed as sexual harassment.  But don’t make any threats.  You never want to make a threat you aren’t willing to back up.  If he makes any negative comments about you and this situation, calmly remind him that you’re a dedicated employee, and you don’t like how he’s responding to you.

Again, document the conversation.

If nothing is done, and/or the situation escalates (the men criticize you for wanting the posters down or make sexual remarks to make you feel uncomfortable) then you might decide to consult a lawyer.

I hope everything works out.

Dr. Debra

 
Feel free to write me with your questions.

Debra Holland, Ph.D., is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in relationships and communication techniques.

To read previous 'Ask Dr. Debra' articles, please visit www.wetnoodleposse.com, where Dr. Debra is a regular contributor, or click here to view the archives. Dr. Debra Holland is also a regular contributor to the Wet Noodle Posse Blog.

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